Announcer: Lil’ stuffed Bully is all about the fury in his new movie ring around the horseshoe!!!

Announcer: ..but Padnick turns everything ass-backwards with his new song Oooooh Heaven is Just Pain (Love EARTH)!!!

Announcer: All this ring-around-the-rosie has got Siskoid upside-down when he decides to cut a new rug out of all the pigeons droppin’ mess in the ring!!!

Announcer: WHAT WOULD BLUE BEETLE DO?!? wails Munson while he beats a lil’ black-n-blue onto the canvas of every fighters face!!!

Announcer: O’Neil asks why can’t we all just get along?!? and whips out some party favors…it’s called CRACK! (and you’re so easy to break)!!!

Announcer: It’s slippery when wet! screams Goggle-Kid of Scans Daily — but he’s ready to paint the town red with blood!!!

Announcer: JLG unleashes his favorite instrument of destruction — and Fuzzy-wuzzy wuz a killah!

Announcer: Dorian stars as Big Daddy Warbucks when he unleashes his orphan Annie fighting style — Anything you can do, I CAN DO BETTER!!!

Announcer: Pullin’ his best Chairface impression, BitterAndrew goes for the finale with his Chitty-Chitty-Chair-BANG!!!

Announcer: ..but here comes Church! Who?!? CHURCH!!! KNOWN for jackin’ a nucka! that’s all he do!!!

Announcer: The first tag-team duo absolutely brings the ruckus when Kalinara and her new fighting partner He Who Must NOT be Named! light up the ring with the form of an atomic BOMB!!! and shape of an Ultraman throat-chop — TO THE FACE!!!

Announcer: He may as be a meteorologist, because Sims brings the rain and unleashes the heavy weather!!!

Announcer: What’s this?!? Great Caesars Post!!! comes correct with his best Bobby McFerrin impression and screams Don’t Worry, BE HAPPY!!!

Announcer: She may be a lady, but, Ragnell doesn’t endorse frappes and heavy-handedly issues all contenders a permanent DIRT NAP!!!

This is another hot GALACTUS story that I’ve added to the collection. I’ll be sure to break you off with some clueful panels this week to let you know exactly why you need to get down with this issue. It’s also the start of a fantastic Reed Richards story as well. Panels to drop later on. Bahlactus has spoken.

This week we cover Hardware #9, which represents a first for the Milestone Universe…. their first fill-in issue. The story begins with Curtis Metcalf being told by Alva to start studying Hardware and devise a way to stop him. Of course this will prove to be difficult as Curtis is Hardware, but Curtis thinks he can string him along. Alva offers Curtis some help in stopping his arch-nemesis, in the form of a brilliant cybernetic scientist by the name of Tiffany Evans. Tiffany is a striking young lady, who reminds Curtis of what he was before finding out the truth about Alva’s illegal business deals. She is an optimist, looking to impress her new boss, and shows it by attacking the “Hardware problem” with gusto. Curtis spends a lot of the issue being condescending towards Tiffany due to her gender and her beauty, and trying to sneak little sabotages into their work that won’t be detected as to stop Alva’s plan to destroy Hardware.

Both of these actions draw Alva’s ire, as he easily discovers Curtis’ manipulative behavior. While he doesn’t know the motives behind them, he tells Curtis in no uncertain terms to stop being incompetent and get the job done or he will sue him blind for breach of contract. Curtis realizes he needs to do his work, forget his chauvinism, and do what Alva wants to. Tiffany beats him to the punch by coming up with her own solution; to counteract Hardware’s brute strength and technological weapons, she will create her own set of armor that would be fuel-efficient and more maneuverable. Better still, she will wear it herself! Alva loves the idea and pushes for the creation of the new armor so that Tiffany can become the newest armor covered hero in the Milestone Universe….. Technique.

Technique is unveiled when a night shipment of “equipment” is due at Dakota Airport from Columbia. Hardware shows to stop the shipment and runs into Technique, who promptly kicks Hardware’s butt. Hardware does manage to strike back, and tries to finish off Technique by using his armor to “hack” her operating system. Technique was prepared for this, as her studying hardware’s previous battles prepared her for this “finishing move”. She programmed her armor to send a virus into Hardware’s armor causing it to fire its thrusters and then shut down. Hardware plummets to the ground, and barely manages a manual override to save his life. The issue closes with Tiffany finding a note from Curtis that congratulates her for her success against Hardware, and apologizes for treating her like a “girl”. He tells her he would see her in a week as he would be “home sick” (by sick Curtis means recovering from wounds and bruises from a super-hero battle).

In terms of quality, this issue wasn’t the greatest (fill-in’s rarely are). I had a few problem’s with guest writer Brian McDonald’s, mainly due to Curtis’ chauvinism towards Tiffany. Curtis has always been someone to abhor any sort of discrimination, even going so far as to get upset when Alva calls him “boy”, so why would he treat Tiffany in such a way? This small script flaw drives most of the action for the issue, which is why I find it a little bothersome. Arvell Jones’s art is saved by Denys Cowan’s inking this issue, and while it provides a consistent look to the book, it’s not as good as when Cowan goes it alone. In the plus column this issue did introduce a new foil/ally in Hardware’s war against Alva. Tiffany/Technique could be an interesting addition to the cast of Hardware, and has potential as a love interest for Curtis and an enemy for Hardware. Let’s hope she sticks around beyond this initial introduction.

That’s it for this week folks, join us next week as we cover Icon #7!

Announcer: Ralph Macchio’s fighting style has nothin’ on Padnick’s Kung-Fu Hustle when he beats ‘em down with an ear shattering lions roar!!!

Announcer: Siskoid is playin’ it like Survivor, with a million-dollar answer to, Feelin’ lucky PUNK?!?

Announcer: You want fries with that?!? Screams Church when he serves up a Hulk-sized ass-whoopin’!!!

Announcer: Our proud sponsor and creator of Ninja Shark Bites, is dumpster divin’ for a combo, hoping everyone will eat crow!!!

Announcer: The truth about the swivel-arm battle-grip is all Secrets & Lies when you take a swift kick on the booty trip!!!

Announcer: A true 50 Cent pounder in the hip-hop game, Munson lives for the funk and dies for the funk screaming — “…cowards die a thousand deaths…“, but Blue Beetle never died once!!!

Announcer: John flies his homeland Buck-The-Devil! colors from his islands of disappointment when he brings his Battle Angel BOOM with the Black Fist!!!

Announcer: Fanatical Street Fighter, Dorian isn’t a twinkletoes in the ring, especially when he cuts loose with a spinning bird kick to settle who is king!!!

Announcer: He’s been warmin’ the bench for a couple of weeks, but Sims says ENOUGH with the CHITTER CHATTER! Let’s go ahead and let this WHAP! FWAP! THUD! settle the matter!!!

Announcer: BitterAndrew might as well be punchin’ a card at H&R Block when he is taxing asses like they owe him money!!!

Announcer: Stormin’ in heavier than the 300, GoogleKid (representin’ Scans Daily) lets every rat-fink know We are LEGION and this is OUR HOUSE!!!

Announcer: The lovely Kalinara knows the train is never late when she makes sure to railroad with some solid fisticuffs to the face!!!

Announcer: Tim O’Neil knucklebusts why does it hurt?!? on everyone in the ring when he brings the sweet science of Goodness to the scene!!!

Announcer: Who says there is anything wrong with a mundane gig?!? D Bro is like a man smokin’ at a gas station, and he’s about to BLOW UP!!!