##NOLIGHTBOX##

Announcer: Secret Wars on Infinite Earths circles his opponents like a bird of prey that is in search of your vertebrae!!!

Announcer: Engblom will penetrate your fragile brain matter, and stand glaring at you with command and frame and stature!!!

Announcer: Grebok-Sod actually mastered the talent it takes to seize the breath out of your chest and leave you shakin’ like a leaf!!!

Announcer: This dimension inside your pain is Slemmons’ domain, by jumping in the ring you co-sign on your own ending!!!

Announcer: Let the silence remain, Destiny’s Garden will snuff your lights out, running through your veins while ushering your life out!!!

Announcer: Woody brings the death of you whole when he pulls out your soul through the hole in your nose!!!

Announcer: From the moment that he saw you, Flanagan didn’t like you, and he’ll evacuate the little bit of life left inside you!!!

Announcer: Somebody is going to get dead tonight, Mighty God King is a bad mothers-father that is going to split heads tonight!!!

Announcer: Bully has cliff notes on this fighting shit, you need to try and study it or you’ll be missing pieces when you try to make the puzzle fit!!!

Announcer: SpaceBooger says if you’re not in the alliance he’ll beat you into compliance, something to do before he feeds you to the lions!!!

Announcer: Siskoid is your friendly neighborhood mine-slinger and he’ll lay this ass-whoopin’ on you like it’s one of a kind, pimpin’!!!

Announcer: Dem’s Good Readin’ has it pimpin’ in the meat market, chicks take a seat, park-it by the boss so they can meet the victim with the deep pockets!!!

Announcer: Doctor K. is about to drop you heavy as hell like the clan of the cave bear, he used to use the club to hit and drag his victims by the hair!!!

Announcer: Bondurant comes through like the cable guy to get ‘er done, the old hit-n-run turns you into a bitter one!!!

Announcer: Tonight is catch Slay, Monstrobot of the Deep if you can, you can taste the gingerbread, but ain’t nothing like waking up with a horse head in your bed!!!

Announcer: Rockin’ Nike Airs, Everyday is Like Wednesday when he’s king for a day, hard to face the fear when you know you’re going to die anyways!!!

Announcer: Stepping out and Alewing has his killer smile on, he’s got to get you and he’s slipping in darkness like most of the day is gone!!!

Announcer: Bacardi wants to know if you can hang for tonight, you can hang from a tree, while he does the victory dance from behind the stone at your RIP!!!

Announcer: Gatevackes just wants to get his freak on, don’t need any romance, he belongs to the killerhood of the traveling pants!!!

Announcer: Munson is on a quest to trap the cat and you’re the tender viddles, so get the boost and say the sky is falling like you’re Chicken Little!!!

Announcer: Friends! Romans! Countrymen! Lend The Comic Treadmill your ear!!! Start repenting because the ending is near!!!

Announcer: Try Phoning-It-In and don’t panic! You can’t function if you’re living in fear, so you pay attention because you have to listen to hear!!!

Announcer: Who the hell do you think you’re talking to?!? BitterAndrew will put you on hold and get a specialist to walk you through!!!

Announcer: Ninja Shark Bites is so crackin’ it so happens, you ain’t heard?!? His shit appears in the ring like the broadcast was closed captioned!!!

Announcer: Fortress of Fortitude is bangin’ on your system, fighting their kind of war, loud as a whisper and quiet as a thunderstorm!!!

Announcer: You don’t really hear Collected Editions, though, so he spits it clearly like it’s live in your stereo!!!

Announcer: Ain’t nothing weaker than the flesh and Semantic Drift is keeping it fresh while you are digging deeper-and-deeper into debt!!!

Announcer: Great Caesar’s Post loves the sound pimpin’ out the speakers, and he’ll split you during the rounds with a 9mm!!!

Announcer: Get it clear, Sims figures it’s his year, when he makes regular appearances in your nightmares!!!

NEWS FLASH!!! After Round 12 of Uppercut, there will be a two week resting period before the next rounds of punishment in the squared circle — Friday Night Fights — Jab!!!. Bahlactus has spoken.