Announcer: Secret Wars on Infinite Earths circles his opponents like a bird of prey that is in search of your vertebrae!!!

Announcer: Engblom will penetrate your fragile brain matter, and stand glaring at you with command and frame and stature!!!

Announcer: Grebok-Sod actually mastered the talent it takes to seize the breath out of your chest and leave you shakin’ like a leaf!!!

Announcer: This dimension inside your pain is Slemmons’ domain, by jumping in the ring you co-sign on your own ending!!!

Announcer: Let the silence remain, Destiny’s Garden will snuff your lights out, running through your veins while ushering your life out!!!

Announcer: Woody brings the death of you whole when he pulls out your soul through the hole in your nose!!!

Announcer: From the moment that he saw you, Flanagan didn’t like you, and he’ll evacuate the little bit of life left inside you!!!

Announcer: Somebody is going to get dead tonight, Mighty God King is a bad mothers-father that is going to split heads tonight!!!

Announcer: Bully has cliff notes on this fighting shit, you need to try and study it or you’ll be missing pieces when you try to make the puzzle fit!!!

Announcer: SpaceBooger says if you’re not in the alliance he’ll beat you into compliance, something to do before he feeds you to the lions!!!

Announcer: Siskoid is your friendly neighborhood mine-slinger and he’ll lay this ass-whoopin’ on you like it’s one of a kind, pimpin’!!!

Announcer: Dem’s Good Readin’ has it pimpin’ in the meat market, chicks take a seat, park-it by the boss so they can meet the victim with the deep pockets!!!

Announcer: Doctor K. is about to drop you heavy as hell like the clan of the cave bear, he used to use the club to hit and drag his victims by the hair!!!

Announcer: Bondurant comes through like the cable guy to get ‘er done, the old hit-n-run turns you into a bitter one!!!

Announcer: Tonight is catch Slay, Monstrobot of the Deep if you can, you can taste the gingerbread, but ain’t nothing like waking up with a horse head in your bed!!!

Announcer: Rockin’ Nike Airs, Everyday is Like Wednesday when he’s king for a day, hard to face the fear when you know you’re going to die anyways!!!

Announcer: Stepping out and Alewing has his killer smile on, he’s got to get you and he’s slipping in darkness like most of the day is gone!!!

Announcer: Bacardi wants to know if you can hang for tonight, you can hang from a tree, while he does the victory dance from behind the stone at your RIP!!!

Announcer: Gatevackes just wants to get his freak on, don’t need any romance, he belongs to the killerhood of the traveling pants!!!

Announcer: Munson is on a quest to trap the cat and you’re the tender viddles, so get the boost and say the sky is falling like you’re Chicken Little!!!

Announcer: Friends! Romans! Countrymen! Lend The Comic Treadmill your ear!!! Start repenting because the ending is near!!!

Announcer: Try Phoning-It-In and don’t panic! You can’t function if you’re living in fear, so you pay attention because you have to listen to hear!!!

Announcer: Who the hell do you think you’re talking to?!? BitterAndrew will put you on hold and get a specialist to walk you through!!!

Announcer: Ninja Shark Bites is so crackin’ it so happens, you ain’t heard?!? His shit appears in the ring like the broadcast was closed captioned!!!

Announcer: Fortress of Fortitude is bangin’ on your system, fighting their kind of war, loud as a whisper and quiet as a thunderstorm!!!

Announcer: You don’t really hear Collected Editions, though, so he spits it clearly like it’s live in your stereo!!!

Announcer: Ain’t nothing weaker than the flesh and Semantic Drift is keeping it fresh while you are digging deeper-and-deeper into debt!!!

Announcer: Great Caesar’s Post loves the sound pimpin’ out the speakers, and he’ll split you during the rounds with a 9mm!!!

Announcer: Get it clear, Sims figures it’s his year, when he makes regular appearances in your nightmares!!!

NEWS FLASH!!! After Round 12 of Uppercut, there will be a two week resting period before the next rounds of punishment in the squared circle — Friday Night Fights — Jab!!!. Bahlactus has spoken.

I’m loving the international flavor and diversity of recent Comics blogs that Friday Night Fights is exposing me to. Throwing down from Pasig City in the Philippines comes Baddie, (of Face Rockery). Anyone who pays homage to DOOM warrants a shine of the spotlight in their direction. He has not been in the game long, but, already he is establishing regular features such as his Comics News Roundup. Baddie also has a big-league sense of humor which instantly made me a fan. Keep an eye on this young contender from one of Metro Manila’s finest cities.

Announcer: If you say Ninja Shark Bites, he’s like Beetlejuice and he might smack you till your teeth break loose!!!

Announcer: Collected Editions choke players like he’s Bobby Knight and also chokin’ out coaches like Spreewell, watch his foes drop to the canvas where their knees fell!!!

Announcer: You’re now boxin’ with a champion and you’re Grabbing Sand in a war that can’t be one because he’s got a pocket full of DOOM and he’ll hand you some!!!

Announcer: Ugly Charmer, Bully is a gentleman caller sending you all to hell in a milk crate full of bodies bloated from an all-you-can-beat dinner date!!!

Announcer: Baddie is a trendsetter with a wicked vendetta and spits venom that sends your body to the shredder!!!

Announcer: Phoning-It-In is the first to show up and the last to leave, ain’t no tricks up his sleeve, this is the whoopin’ that he brings!!!

Announcer: Shirt is sweatin’ with Not in the Face’s work ethic, he’s been in love with the squared-circle and pain is his method!!!

Announcer: Bitter Andrew is a little bit aggressive when he spits a sentence, until you get the message, you couldn’t pay him to end this!!!

Announcer: SpaceBooger is the new kid in school who didn’t rule nothing, but today he fights like he’s trying to prove something!!!

Announcer: Bacardi is unknown but still a soldier who can’t let you go home until his winning is over!!!

Announcer: And whatever comes up comes out, Gatevackes doesn’t put his hand on his mouth, he stands up for what he’s about!!!

Announcer: Understand, Doctor K. isn’t mad at you..this is the only thing he knows how to do and slicin’ you is what he came to do!!!

Announcer: Comics Ate My Brain so I’m broke and stuck, but Bondurant doesn’t give a wha?!? Because he feels he’s got the world by the nuts!!!

Announcer: Woody’s back is being watched by Bahlactus on high — he’s herald of the party and if he shows up..you DIE!!!

Announcer: The fire from Jimmy Olsen’s Blues can’t be held back, it’s the same pressure you felt the day the liberty bell cracked!!!

Announcer: You can either choose the heart or Alewife’s fist, but you will connect with him when your path intersects with him!!!

Announcer: If you drop three crumbs Everyday is Like Wednesday will eat one, feed one to your family, and invest the rest in your beatings!!!

Announcer: Great Caesars Post will battle through a carton of shit, with a wrist full of broken toothpicks just to carve up your shit!!!

Announcer: The same old magic Slay hasn’t cracked for days, alot changed since he anti’d-up, now the pots been raised!!!

Announcer: Vaklam was funkin’ with the hand he was dealt, training in 5th gear so you can experience the speed and the stealth!!!

Announcer When Mighty God King’s on the line he’ll bend up your spine, figure eight status you’ll be in traction for days!!!

Announcer: Siskoid is self-taught, it’s as real as he makes it, any way you look at it his skills are amazing!!!

Announcer: Gad, Sir! Comics! spits with an intensity you have to witness, look close, it’s your blood on the back of his fight ticket!!!

Announcer: Grebok-Sod can run through every one of your blunders, #1 he shows you the crowd that doesn’t love you!!!

Announcer: Ever since day number one, it’s just Munson and where he’s coming from, rights of passage and your deaths shadow under the sun!!!

Announcer: Funk rappin’ Secret Earth sings off-key and one thing you should never do is diss his fight scream!!!

Announcer: Sims will give it all to you if you promise him you’ll ball up your fist and pump it like you were on some Black POWER shit!!!

Announcer: Church stands before you as a man with more true shit than he knows what to do with!!!