HULK LOVE Christmas!!! (Contest)
Sweet Christmas, tis the season for giving!!! I’ve got the The Incredible HULK Future Imperfect to give away!!! One lucky reader is walking away with the prestige format of parts 1 and 2 of the story; a solid Christmas gift for real HULK fans!!!
How do you win?!? Simple. Hit me with your favorite HULK expression — I will even accept fictional HULK expressions (i.e. he’s never actually said it). All submissions need to be entered in the comment box below, for everyone to enjoy. I will choose the winner on Friday and ship it just after Christmas.
HULK not naughty!!! HULK NICE!!! (at least that is what he told me). This should be on-point, don’t you think?!? I look forward to reading everyones submissions. Aiight…commence with the funny!!! Bahlactus has spoken.
December 18th, 2007 at 9:12 am
My favorite has always been “Hulk Hate personal pronouns!” from one of the issues of The Ultimates, but I’m a nerd.
December 18th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
From the wild mind of Chris Giarrusso
“Puny Flower!!! Hulk is strongest one there is!!!”
most recently seen in World War Hulk Prequel
http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e114/Angelophile/scan0043.jpg
December 18th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
From the issue after the end of the Pantheon storyline, when smart Hulk has regressed into a savage Hulk mind in Banner’s body, and he’s tossed onto the ground while wearing a straightjacket:
“Hulk’s butt hurt!”
December 18th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
Hulk no like clowns!
seen ages ago in the old b/w oversize mag.
December 18th, 2007 at 10:25 pm
Scene: Hulk stands on a mountaintop, looking at an oncoming hulkbuster army.
“Hulk want them to leave Hulk alone.”
Scene: A soldier looks up from his console inside a Hulkbuster.
“He’s throwing something at us. It looks like… Hostess Fruit Pies? Wow, I love the flaky crust and real fruit filling.”
Scene: Hulk on the mountaintop again, his back is to a boulder.
“Now they leave Hulk alone. But now Hulk out of Hostess Fruit Pies.”
December 18th, 2007 at 11:44 pm
How can you go wrong with, “Hulk like puny kittens”?
I don’t think he has ever said this, but hey, I don’t read Marvel Age as much as I should.
December 19th, 2007 at 12:27 am
I had this idea where the Hulk becomes a hip-hop superstar (I won’t bore you with the details), but one thing I envisioned him saying was “Hulk Get Crunk!”.
December 19th, 2007 at 1:11 am
Scenario: Right Here
Hulk in a friendly, walk away pose, not knowing what Mew-Chew-Al means.
“Come friends, let us go away from this dumb place” is a line that has served me well on many, many an occasion.”
December 19th, 2007 at 1:16 am
HULK: To smash, or not to smash–that is question:
Hulk suffer slings and arrows of puny humans
Or smash and by smashing, end puny humans.
To smash, to sleep — no more Rick Jones.
To smash, to sleep– To sleep– Hulk dream?
RARGH!
Hulk smash tank and Hulkbuster,
Star Shield Man, Can Man,
Big Girl with Hammer, Crazy Boy with Claws,
Ghost Lady, Rock Man,
Cute Floating Robot, Stretch Man.
Only Hulk stronger than Hulk,
only Hulk can smash Hulk.
But if Hulk die, Hulk go away from Betty,
Hulk never come back, until Crazy Boy with Claws’
friends catch Hulk with giant fishing pole and
bring Hulk back to life*
Bah! Thinking make Hulk puny, puny
like Banner.
* Alpha Flight 29, “Cut Bait and Run”
December 19th, 2007 at 1:22 am
HULK STRAIGHT.
Can’t recall what comic it’s FROM but you get the idea.
December 19th, 2007 at 1:32 am
From James Kolchaka’s backup strip from . . . some comic, perhaps a Hulk or Avengers annual around 2001:
“Go ahead and rain on Hulk. You think Hulk care? Rain nothing to Hulk.”
December 19th, 2007 at 1:35 am
Hulk hate sentence fragments!
December 19th, 2007 at 1:58 am
From World War Hulk:
Hulk Slash.
December 19th, 2007 at 8:12 am
“You hear Hulk, stupid planet?! Earth not interested in you!!!…Earth just want to be friends!”
Hulk chasing away Ego, a planet hitting on Earth, in the pages of Jeff Parker’s Marvel Adventures Avengers 12.
December 19th, 2007 at 8:18 am
It’s not funny dialogue, but my favorite Hulk line Stan Lee ever wrote was a bit where Hulk was monologuing about how lonely Hulk was, and how hated Hulk was, and how everyone on Earth hates Hulk…
And Hulk looks up at the night sky and says wistfully, “…if only Hulk could reach — the stars!”
Stan liked that line so much he used it again a couple issues later. Of course, Hulk did reach the stars (around that time, even, as well as more recently), but it didn’t go too well for him.
December 19th, 2007 at 9:26 am
Either from the old ’60s cartoon or an old “Tales to Astonish,” after breaking free from the thrall of the Leader:
“Hulk not work for creep like you!”
December 19th, 2007 at 9:38 am
I’m going to go with something that I often say in times of distress.
“DAN SMASH!!”
No, I’m not kidding.
December 19th, 2007 at 10:18 am
Well, here’s a bio I wrote up about the Hulk a few years ago. It’s all written in the entirely authentic Voice of Hulk, so it’s jam-packed with Hulkie Goodness.
http://everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1366919
December 19th, 2007 at 11:43 am
“Angry’s worked pretty good for me so far.”
December 19th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Hulk not want anybody else! When Hulk think of Betty, HULK TOUCH HULK!
(with apologies to Divinyls, I’m pretty sure that Hulk’s never *actually* said this, but you never know!)
December 19th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
From Defenders #2, after Dr. Strange disguises them all as Sherpas:
“Somebody tell Hulk what is going on. First Hulk has dumb cape–now he has mittens.”
December 19th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Words, Words! stupid words. Hulk Hates words..anf Hulk hates YOU!
December 19th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Wouldn’t it be great if Hulky said:
“Hulk worried Consumer Price Index down 5.3% last quarter”
Maybe not. Whatev, gimme the loot!
December 19th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
“Hulk hate Freddie Prinze Jr.”
From The Ultimates takes the cake for me.
December 19th, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Hulk is Santa Clause!
Hulk cannot fit down chimney.
Hulk smash naughty kids!
December 19th, 2007 at 9:34 pm
Eh? Is big hand.
Said in a very early issue of Defenders, at the appearance of a… big (disembodied) hand.
Can I just say that I’d gladly trade Talk Like a Pirate Day for Talk Like Hulk Day?
December 19th, 2007 at 10:45 pm
Why puny Freud keep calling Hulk “manifestation of the repressed Oedipal guilt”? Hulk smash puny Dad!…Freud. Hulk meant, Freud!
December 19th, 2007 at 10:54 pm
“Hulk think we should see other people. It not you, it Hulk”
December 20th, 2007 at 1:42 am
It’s a long time ago, so I may not have it word perfect, but I have some affection for “Men kill Bambi’s mother?!” from Gerber and Buscema’s run on Defenders.
December 20th, 2007 at 4:28 am
I think the Hulk Straight is from the Ultimates, whereas Hulk hate personal pronouns is from PAD’s House of M tie in issue (damnit, now I had to go reread it)
“Hulk hates stupid giant cyborg things…Hulk hates Australia. And most of all…Hulk hates personal pronouns!”
Hulk proceeds to kick a giant cyborg’s ass with the freaking Sidney Opera House. And then destroys the rest.
“Had a reason” “Can’t stand opera”
God I miss PAD on Hulk.
Although Chris Giarrusso is pretty freaking awesome.
“Hulk so mad Hulk stop referring to myself in the third person”
Followed by
“Illuminators
Shot me into outer space
Now I will smash them”
And yes. That was a freaking haiku (followed by everyone finger counting)
Let’s see, what else?
Hands down, the best issue for funny Hulk dialogue? Marvel Adventures Hulk #2. The gist? Banner gets hit with a gamma beam..with Madrox standing next to him. Enter: Multiple Hulk. You get such gems as
“Hulk love cute monkey! Hulk play!”
“Whoa, Hulk lover, not fighter”
“Hulk love crushing cars!”
“Hulk smash fake Hulks! Hulk strongest Hulk there is!”
But my favorite two?
Hulk punching another Hulk shouting “NO MORE HULKS!”
And Hulk holding a boquet of road signs
“But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the East, and girl is the sun.”
As the girl flees in terror
“Girl not like Shakespeare?”
(This issue also features Hulk in the thinker pose)
Or, if you want to go another route..
“Hulk…strongest one there is. Hulk…only one there is…Hulk feels…cold.”
December 20th, 2007 at 8:01 am
Not original Hulk dialogue to the best of my knowledge, but I like to use it when people display their lack of intimacy with language.
“HULK SMASH PUNY GRAMMAR!”
December 20th, 2007 at 8:18 am
* Ultimate Hulk: “Hulk’s gonna get you no matter who they send, Betty! Hulk hornier than a–”
* David Banner: “”Mr. McGee, don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”
Technically, this was from Banner in the old, live-action, tv show, but it’s a classic.
* Ultimate Thor: “Your jaw is broken, your ribs are cracked and one of your lungs has just been punctured, Banner. Have you tasted enough of Mjolnir, yet?”
Ultimate Hulk: “Nah, Thor’s hammer just make Hulk horny for Betty again, hippie!”
December 20th, 2007 at 6:02 pm
My favorite was from House of M Hulk. “I know why you beat up the giant rampaging robot, buy why did you destroy the Sydney Orchestra House?” “Hulk hate opera.”
December 20th, 2007 at 8:32 pm
I’d just point out to David H. that it was probably Roy Thomas, not Stan Lee, who actually wrote “If only Hulk could reach–the stars!” Roy Thomas was really the writer responsible for giving the Hulk his distinctive speech patterns, and Stan Lee, as editor, was usually given a more prominent place in the credits than the writer (since it was believed his name sold books.) I’d have to go back and sift through my ‘Essential Hulk’ collection to be sure, and I really don’t have the energy for that, but I have a pretty strong suspicion you’re thinking of Roy.